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Our Favorite Non-Humanoid Aliens

Our Favorite Non-Humanoid Aliens

opens in a new windowthe three body problem by cixin liuA while back, we put together a kickin’ list of aliens who might not be able to ‘kick’ in the traditional ‘human’ sense of the word, because they are not humanoids. Now, with the new Netflix series of Cixin Liu’s The Three-Body Problem captivating audiences across the galaxy, we thought it’d be a great time to bring this important piece of literary listicle writing back to the forefront. Because it’s an important piece of science fiction but also because of the Trisolarans, a notably unhuman species of extraterrestrial entities.

Check that list out below!


by Emily Hughes

The idea that any aliens the human race might encounter will look even vaguely humanoid is so tired. While the proliferation of humanoid aliens in science fiction is understandable – it can be hard to conceive of creatures so foreign we might not even recognize them as sentient. But it does happen! Here are five more of our favorite non-humanoid aliens in sci-fi.

The Ghorf (Knight by Timothy Zahn)

opens in a new windowPlaceholder of  -35When Nicole first wakes up on board the ship Fyrantha, she’s understandably a little unsettled by the appearance of Kahkitah, a bipedal shark-like alien who seems to be made of melted down glass marbles. But these chondrichthian creatures aren’t nearly as fierce as they look – mostly they serve as counsel and muscle on the densely-populated, living spacecraft.

Rainbow Bamboo (Semiosis by Sue Burke)

opens in a new windowPlace holder  of - 60Semiosis is a first-contact novel about plants, and at its heart is the relationship between the human settlers on the planet Pax, and a species of plant known as rainbow bamboo, which has a collective consciousness that takes the name Stevland (long story). Stevland’s voice, once it and the settlers have figured out how to communicate, is fascinating – it has awareness of all parts of its root network at once, and can manipulate its chemical reactions to grow faster, slower, in new places, or to communicate danger or opportunity to its human friends and other plants alike.

Sandworms (The Dune series by Frank Herbert, Brian Herbert, and Kevin J. Anderson)

Poster Placeholder of - 15How could we not include Sandworms, honestly? They’re iconic in the science fiction world, and for good reason. These leviathans, indigenous to the planet Arrakis, are instrumental to the production of the highly valued spice melange, though they’re intermittently dangerous to the people who harvest said spice. And though the sandworms can be managed and (occasionally) ridden, they can never truly be tamed.

The Gelet (The City in the Middle of the Night by Charlie Jane Anders)

opens in a new windowImage Placeholder of - 49On the planet January, human settlers are limited to two habitable cities – but outside those cities, in the planet’s dark, cold hemisphere, live a species reviled and feared by humans: the furry, tentacled Gelet.

The Gelet are a species of individuals who share a telepathic group mind and a collective memory. They’re sentient, empathetic, and ambitious, aiming for a goal as lofty as saving their dying planet. And when Sophie, the protagonist, befriends them, they introduce her to a future filled with one thing she never anticipated: hope.

Aunt Beast (A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle)

Image Place holder  of - 67As Meg Murry recovers from her confrontation with IT, she’s nursed back to health by the four-armed, eyeless, furry creature she comes to think of as Aunt Beast. Aunt Beast is a gift, a being who writer Jaime Green calls “the embodiment of grace.” She loves Meg while creating space for Meg’s pain and anger – and we all need that sometimes.

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Which Dysfunctional Space Crew Do You Belong In?

by a bunch of raccoons in a trench coat & a cat

In space, everyone can hear you scream when you realize your roommate steals your lunch from the community space fridge. Has anyone every made it through a space voyage completely functionally?

Find out which dysfunctional space crew is your ride-or-die with this quiz!



And while you’ve got books on the brain, Cascade Failure by L. M. Sagas is out now! You should read it.

Order Cascade Failure Here

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What’s Your Superpower According to George R.R. Martin?

The Wild Cards are back with Full House—an adventure edited by George R. R. Martin—now in paperback! With new Aces and Jokers, as well as some old favorites, the latest book in this long-running shared-world series has us wondering: if we lived in Martin’s shared world, what powers would we have? Would we be the famous Dr. Tachyon, mind reader extraordinaire? Or Croyd, whose abilities constantly change? Wonder no longer, because our quiz will tell you!


Order Full House in Paperback Here:

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Which Dysfunctional Fantasy Crew Should You Join?

by a bunch of raccoons in a trench coat & a cat

Rolling with a fantasy crew is no dream! Surprisingly, conflict management is actually not made easier with magic and swords.

Find out which dysfunctional fantasy crew you ride with by taking this quiz!



And while you’ve got books on the brain, the Moonfall Series by James Rollins is pretty cool. You should read it.

Order The Cradle of Ice Here:

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Forge Your Own Book Club: All the Dirty Secrets by Aggie Blum Thompson

All the Dirty SecretsBy Ariana Carpentieri:

It’s currently the middle of summer, which means the weather is warm, the beaches are poppin’, iced coffee is officially in-season, the fireflies are glowing, and the days of relaxing with a good book while basking in the sunshine are finally upon us. If your book club is planning to read All the Dirty Secrets by Aggie Blum Thompson, we’ve got the scoop for you on what to watch, what to drink, what to eat, what to listen to, and what to discuss!


What to Watch:

All the Dirty Secrets focuses on the perspectives of both a mother, Liza Gold, and her standoffish teenage daughter, Zoe. Their relationship has a major shift over the course of the book. So if you love storylines that take place in the summertime with an emphasis on teenage/parent relationships and deep secrets that could tear everything apart, then we suggest you take a look at The Summer I Turned Prettyan Amazon Prime show that portrays love and heartbreak during what should’ve been the perfect summer.

What to Drink:

Chapter one starts off with the mention of a whiskey sour—a drink that will pack the perfect punch for such a strong read like this one. But if you’d rather sip on something a little less potent, then a whiskey sour mocktail would work just as well!

What to Eat:

According to Kaira Rouda, USA Today and international bestselling author, “All the Dirty Secrets will have you racing to the end. This tale was so chillingly real it could have been ripped from the headlines. I loved it!” AKA: You’re going to want to settle in and grab a big bucket of popcorn for this one. You’re in for a wild, thrilling ride.

What to Listen To:

Looking for the perfect playlist to accompany this thrilling read? We’ve got you covered! Aggie put together a killer list of 90s songs that will have you all up in your feels. Click here to check out the full blog post featuring Aggie’s breakdown of her song choices and peruse the Spotify playlist below!

video soruce

What to Discuss:

Download the All the Dirty Secrets Reading Group Guide for insightful questions to get the discussion going:

Thompson_All the Dirty Secrets_RGG v3

Click below to order your copy of All the Dirty Secrets, available now!

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Forge’s Food & Drink Pairings for Your Book Club: Summer Edition!

By Ariana Carpentieri:

Nothing beats grabbing a book on a sunny day, settling in, cracking it open, and relaxing the day away by getting lost within the pages. It’s essentially the human equivalent of being a house-cat. But you know what would take your reading day over the top? If you had the perfect food and drink to pair with your sensational summer reads! We’ve got you covered there, cool cats. Read onwards to see what we suggest you match up with your Forge summer reading list!


Bark to the Future by Spencer Quinn

Bark to the Future

What to eat: Chet and Bernie, the best human and dog duo around, are big fans of eating at Burger Heaven. So we suggest you fire up the grill and make a burger for yourself to chow down on as you read this book!

What to drink: To pair with your burger, we feel an all-American classic Coca-Cola is the perfect way to go.

In the Middle of Hickory Lane by Heather Webber

In the Middle of Hickory Lane

What to eat: This wholesome read will have you craving something equally as sweet to eat (not to mention that cupcake on the cover looks pretty appetizing!) so we’d highly suggest taking a look at this wonderful roundup of summer treats that author Heather Webber put together herself when choosing what yummy dessert you’d like to pair with this read!

What to drink: A sweet read calls for a sweet drink (do you see a central theme here?) so we think a frozen strawberry daiquiri would really be the icing on the cake.

All the Dirty Secrets by Aggie Blum Thompson

All the Dirty Secrets

What to eat: This book is gripping and will keep you on the edge of your seat from beginning to end, so trust us when we say you’re going to grab a big ‘ole bucket of popcorn for this one.

What to drink: Chapter one starts off with the mention of a whiskey sour, so we think sipping on a drink like this would be the perfect choice for a book as strong as this one.

Omega Rules by Eric Van LustbaderOmega Rules

What to eat: This book is full of adventure, thrilling twists, and plenty of action. We think a classy, hearty meal like grilled salmon that’s also rich in Omega-3 (see what we did there?) would be an excellent choice to pair with this book.

What to drink: An equally as classy drink to go along with your refined meal? A martini, of course. Shaken or stirred; whichever floats your boat.

Midnight on the Marne by Sarah Adlakha

Midnight on the Marne

What to eat: With its backdrop being an occupied France in an alternative timeline, we think having a French-inspired dessert such as macarons to munch on would be the pièce de résistance.

What to drink: This book is powerful, captivating, and entrancing. So we think the best drink to go with such a fantastic read is a classic iced Cafè Au Lait.

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Excerpt Reveal: The Last Crown by Elżbieta Cherezińska

The Last CrownAcross Baltic shores, English battlegrounds, and the land of Northen Lights, The Last Crown is the follow up to The Widow Queen, and the epic conclusion of Swietoslawa’s journey from Polish princess to Queen of Denmark & Sweden and Queen Mother of England.

The Last Crown will be available on September 6th, 2022. Please enjoy the following excerpt!

 

 


CHAPTER ONE

THE BALTIC SEA

The night from which the moon was stolen is cold and gloomy. It takes its vengeance with irregular gusts of wind and waves which treacherously flood the deck. Unpunished and confident in its invisibility, the night tangles the ropes, tugs at the sails, and whispers misleading directions. Its scrawny arms sink into the ocean’s depths, searching for drowned men and drowsy fish. Running its fingers through the waters, it picks out that which cannot be revived and that which cannot rot in salty waters. A moonless night is not particular, but it’s in a rush, chased by the dawn on its heels. It wants to surprise its pursuer with a deck decorated by its dead catches. It throws its treasure overboard with a hollow splash and disappears to escape the notice of dawn’s scout, daybreak.

 

Astrid watched Tyra doze. The princess was snoring gently with her mouth open. It’s because of the poppyseed brew I gave her, Astrid thought. Or she has a cold. Even princesses get blocked noses, after all.

Morcar Frog had provided every comfort, or at least that which was possible aboard a merchant ship. There was a small tent stretched out between the gunwales which offered protection from the wind, sun, and rain, as well as from the crew’s curious stares. They were also given warm blankets and almost-warm meals. And wine, good red wine from the merchant’s supplies. Astrid sipped it as she waited for Tyra to wake. She wasn’t thinking about her, she was thinking about herself. About how life always seemed to place her near Olav but never quite in the right position. She’d thought that there could be nothing worse than bringing his son into the world, but fate had written another verse of this song and now she had aided Tyra’s abduction so that this foreign girl could become Olav’s wife.

oreign girl could become Olav’s wife. If only it had been Świętosława. Her salty sister, so sharp and fierce. Astrid could have done it for Świętosława and been happy for her, but no, she was acting against her sister as much as against her own heart. “My lady is in labor!” She’d heard the servants’ cries when she’d slipped unnoticed through the kitchens of Roskilde’s manor. If she had gone to the queen’s chambers instead of to Tyra’s solitary rooms . . . If she had broken her word . . . No, she would never have done that. She had always been too mature for that. Mieszko would call her his “wise daughter Astrid.” Yes, she was wise. And what good had that ever done her?

Tyra opened her eyes.

“Where am I?” she whispered.

“On a ship.”

Tyra rose from her makeshift bed and leaned on one arm. Sleep had undone her three braids, and strands of hair, damp with sweat, spiraled in locks by her face. She rubbed her forehead and swollen eyelids.

“On a ship . . .” she repeated. “So, it worked, did it?”

“Yes. Do you want some wine?”

“Is it Friday today?”

“Yes.”

“No, I can’t today. I drink only water on Fridays.”

“As you wish,” Astrid replied as she took another gulp. “I find wine helps with the seasickness.”

Tyra blinked. Astrid hated women who fluttered their eyelashes. She was always surprised that men fell for such a cheap trick.

“So, you’re my savior,” Tyra said. “I’m sorry, but in all the excitement I’ve forgotten your name.”

“Astrid.”

“Astrid . . .” Tyra seemed to regain her senses and reached for the pouch at her belt, rummaging in it until she pulled out a denar. “Duke Burizleif’s sister?” She looked at Astrid’s brother’s name etched into the coin.

“Yes.”

“I hadn’t expected that Master Gretter’s mission would bear fruit so soon. Your brother is an uncommonly proactive ruler, and I will be forever grateful to him for saving me from Sven’s clutches. I’m very curious to meet my future husband.”

What is this? Astrid wondered. Does she always talk this way?

“Tell me about my sister,” she requested, swallowing more wine.

“Sister?” Tyra looked surprised. “Oh, forgive me, my lady! Where’s my head! The queen is your and your brother’s sister . . .”

What a dolt! Astrid thought, immediately blaming the insult on the wine she had consumed. Since her cup was empty, though, she poured herself some more.

“Yes, I met your sister in church and only then did I know her true nature. Because she is so regal in front of the people. Regal and beautiful. That monster Sven forced me to attend his feasts, where I would see the queen from afar. But she . . . forgive me, Astrid, but at the feasts your sister was just a queen to me, distant and foreign. She has two lynxes on a leash that walk with her, and before her walks a great, bald monster with a scarred face. There is also the boy who has a wolf’s eyes and the horrible Jorun, Sven’s comrade, and his axemen who chant your sister’s name: “Sigrid Storråda!” My brother wants her to be known as Gunhild, but it hasn’t stuck at court . . . Can I have some water?” Tyra paused and moistened her dry lips.

“Here.” Astrid handed her a cup.

The princess swallowed a few mouthfuls, but when she noticed Astrid watching her, she slowed down.

“Are you hungry, my lady?” Astrid asked.

“Perhaps, but I told you that I fast on Fridays. What should I call you? If you’re Duke Burizleif and Queen Sigrid’s sister, shouldn’t I be addressing you as a princess?”

“Call me Lady of Wolin, that will suffice. You were telling me of my sister.”

“Oh, yes. What was I saying?”

“You told me her new name, that her husband wanted to call her Gunhild.”

“An awful idea. The old Queen Gunhild, though it is embarrassing to say since she was my aunt, practiced . . . do you know?” Tyra fearfully made the sign of the cross and looked at Astrid meaningfully as she whispered: “Seidr. Do you understand?”

“She was a witch,” Astrid said.

“Yes. And she died like a witch. They threw her into the swamp.” Tyra shuddered at the thought. “No wonder the name didn’t take. The people know that your sister is a Christian queen, but Sven’s men, the ones who traveled with him to Sigtuna, decided they had brought back Sigrid Storråda, and that’s what they prefer to call her. Astrid!” Tyra suddenly grabbed her hand. “Is the queen privy to our plans? Sven will suspect her, he knew that we had a good relationship, that we met for mass . . .”

“No, my lady. My sister knows nothing,” Astrid replied, feeling nauseous.

She stood up and shakily walked out of the tent. She had to lean over the gunwale to vomit. The wine had done nothing for her seasickness or her guilt. Świętosława’s bright face stubbornly kept appearing in her mind’s eye. By the time she returned to Tyra, the girl had untangled her hair and was brushing it out.

“I should prepare to meet my husband,” she said, a blush blooming on her cheeks.

As if on cue! Astrid thought with distaste.

“It will be another week or two before you reach him, but you can start preparing now if you wish,” she told the princess.

“So long?” Tyra was surprised. “The sailors say the route to Nidaros is much shorter.”

“You won’t be sailing the whole way. Morcar will drop us off soon and we will proceed on horseback. We must lose our pursuers.”

Tyra looked worried, as if she only now realized that the entire journey was dangerous, not just the escape.

“Tell me, Astrid, how did you get me out of the manor? How did I reach the ship? Forgive me, but I can’t recall . . . I only remember the moment in which you entered my room and showed me the coin to prove that Duke Burizleif had sent you, and you said: ‘You’ll be safe when you wake up,’ and then you gave me something to drink. I don’t remember anything else . . .”

“I gave you a brew from poppyseeds,” Astrid told her.

Because I suspected that courage was not your strong suit, she thought, but she kept it to herself.

“When you fell asleep, we hid you in a great chest in which Morcar’s men had carried the weapons Sven had purchased earlier. We then carried you on board, right under your brother’s nose.”

“What?”

“Sven sat comfortably in a great chair as he examined Morcar’s shiny merchandise and we walked right past him.”

“That’s incredible!” Tyra clapped her hands in joy.

Will Olav be happy with her? Astrid asked herself, feeling her stomach grow heavy again. I’m vile; it is envy that speaks through me, she thought, bringing herself down even further

“What about the pursuers?” Tyra asked. “Do you think he sent any?”

“I’m certain he did, and I hope that his men were fooled by the group of riders who went west, toward Trelleborg. It was their job to draw Sven’s attention away from the port.”

“Is Morcar in danger?” Tyra asked in a whisper.

“Don’t be naïve,” Astrid retorted. “Everyone who played a part in this scheme faces Sven’s wrath.”

“Forgive me, Lady of Wolin. It’s the poppyseed which has robbed me of my clarity of thought.”

They spoke no more. Astrid lay down with her back to Tyra, pretending to be asleep. She wished she really was asleep so she could get away from her own intrusive thoughts. She had tricked Świętosława and undertaken the mission to bring Tyra out of Roskilde for the sole purpose of seeing Olav again. That was the truth, the embarrassing secret which weighed down her conscience. She had agreed to help in this endeavor only so she might look into his pale, translucent eyes once more, so she could smell the salt on his hair and hear his voice. She wanted to see him after all the years that had passed since Geira’s death, after everything that had happened. Damn it! What a fool I am! she thought with disdain and pulled the blanket over her head. Before sleep took her, she had made up her mind.

The next morning, Morcar’s ship sailed into a small bay by the estuary of Göta älv. Geivar, the chief of the house of scouts from Jom, was waiting for them.

“My Lady of Wolin,” he greeted Astrid when she stepped onto dry land. “Is everything all right?”

“Yes, Geivar. Princess Tyra is with us. I think that she could use a day of rest before we move on.”

“Whatever you think best, Astrid,” Geivar replied.

“Is that your husband, the famous Jarl Sigvald, the Jomsviking leader?” Tyra asked.

“No. This is the chief of silence.” Astrid chuckled. “You have the honor of meeting Geivar, who is the eye and ear of Jomsborg. He will be responsible for your journey from here. And if it makes any difference, he used to be a companion to Olav Tryggvason.”

“I’m happy to meet you, Geivar.” Tyra bowed her head in greeting and, unexpectedly, smiled. “It’s extraordinary! Your husband abducted Sven during the war with Eric, while you, Astrid, have abducted me from Roskilde, and now we can both go to Olav under the care of his old friend. It is all so exciting . . .”

“Forgive me, my lady, but we must alter our plans,” Astrid interrupted her sharply. “I won’t accompany you any further. I will return to my husband.”

POLAND

Bolesław stared gloomily at the silver coffin lid.

“You did the best you could,” said Zarad, but his voice sounded hollow. “You paid for Adalbert’s body with its weight in silver, you brought back his remains, you even managed to get back his head.”

“This was Sobiesław’s last brother. My uncle killed his entire family two years ago.”

“My lord,” Zarad argued, “he still has a half brother. The one who escaped the Prussians. Radim, or whatever his name was . . .”

“It’s strange.” Bolesław leaned over the coffin lid and saw his own distorted reflection in the polished silver. “The pagans killed only Adalbert, sparing his brother and vicar Bogusz. Do you have any idea why?”

“There are two reasons I can think of. First, Radim and the others fled like cowards and left Adalbert to face the Prussians alone. Second, the pagans, by killing only the bishop, wanted to send a message to communicate that while they are refusing the mission, they do not want a war.”

“You’re right,” Bolesław agreed distractedly. He leaned over the coffin lid again. “It’s ghastly.” He showed Zarad his reflection in the lid. “And true.”

“What do you mean, my lord?” Zarad sounded worried. “I’m only a simple soldier. If you want to read into some signs or something, perhaps I should call for Bishop Unger?”

“I’m the one responsible for the destruction of the entire Sławnikowic dynasty,”* Bolesław said. “I supported their ambitions, their rivalry with the Přemyslid dynasty. They were important to me—such strong allies, the dukes of Libice . . .”

“Do you blame yourself, brother?” a deep voice asked from the direction of the chapel wall.

At first, Zarad and Bolesław glanced at each other in terror.

“Ghost,” Zarad whispered.

But it was Sobiesław who emerged from the shadows, clad in dark penitential robes.

“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop,” he said apologetically. “I was watching over the body and I fell asleep on the bench by the wall. I haven’t left this place, even though I know it won’t change anything. My headless brother will not rise again.”

Bolesław felt uneasy knowing that his friend had overheard his words. He saw Sobiesław’s dirty hair and untrimmed beard. The duke of Libice was suffering. It was only recently that his family had been rivalling the Přemyslids for influence in Bohemia. They had been powerful, wealthy, famous, and independent. Adalbert had twice abandoned the Praguian diocese; Sobiesław had fought at his side against the Veleti. In light of the swiftly deteriorating relations between the Přemyslids and the empire, their joint plan to overthrow the duke of Prague and replace him with Sobiesław seemed to be so close to fruition. His uncle Boleslav had cut it all short with the cruel murders, and now the death of the bishop of Prague when on a mission in Prussia concluded the destructive act.

Sobiesław came closer, throwing an arm around Bolesław and forcing them both to lean over the coffin. The smooth surface of the silver reflected both their faces.

“Do you see, brother?”

The duke could smell his stale breath.

“The fault is not yours alone, share it with me.” Sobiesław let go of Bolesław and laughed like a madman. “But it doesn’t matter, it’s an illusion anyway. Anyone who leans over my brother’s coffin would feel guilty. The living like to see themselves in the deaths of others. Do you want to know who is responsible for all my family’s misfortunes? Here he is!”

He retrieved a silver coin from his pouch and placed it on the coffin lid with a clang. Bolesław picked it up. There was an eagle taking flight on one side, and a hand holding a dagger on the other.

“And there’s my name around the edge. By hammering ‘Duke Sobiesław’ onto the coin I condemned the dynasty of Libice myself. My own family!” Sobiesław’s eyes flashed wildly. “The Přemyslid duke couldn’t bear it and paid me back with his blade. If we were innocent, would God have allowed Adalbert to have died such a horrible death? No. God has pointed a finger at us. He wanted us to vanish from this world . . .”

“Sobiesław!” Bishop Unger interrupted him as he entered the chapel. “Be silent! You cannot judge vanity with vanity. It is not for you to deliver God’s judgment; it is not your place to try to understand His perspective. Even amidst your suffering and grief for your loved ones, you must maintain some sense. Do you know why? To avoid questioning God’s will. Control yourself, Duke!”

Sobiesław took a step back, while Unger issued orders to the servants who followed him:

“It’s too dark. Light the torches and chase away the shadows which do not suit the Lord’s light, because here I bring the word of God to those in need.”

Bolesław took a careful look at Unger. His bishop was not a man to waste his words.

“Are you feeling all right, Unger?” he asked.

“Perfectly. My lord, Sobiesław, you have seen your own reflections in Adalbert’s coffin as you searched for those responsible for his death. Look again, now that the chapel is brightened by light. What do you see?”

“The radiance reflected off the metal,” Sobiesław muttered.

Only in the light did it become clear how deeply grief’s claws had wounded him. The lines on the face of the duke of Libice were covered by a dirty beard, while the strands of unwashed hair made him look like a grubby old man, though he was only just older than Bolesław.

“Radiance,” Unger repeated. “You’re right. Today it is the metal that is radiant, but tomorrow it will be your brother’s heavenly fame. Adalbert, in giving his life while on mission among the pagans, in the moment of his death became the Church’s martyr. Its Holy son. Do you understand?”

It won’t bring back his brother, but perhaps it might bring him some comfort, thought Bolesław.

“He knew the wealthiest men of this world,” Unger continued. “He was friendly with Rome’s leaders. Emperor Otto referred to him as his dear companion on his earthly path. A martyr who walked among us like Christ amidst the Apostles. Do you understand?” Unger asked hopefully, but he shook his head when he looked at them. “No, you don’t.”

Bolesław felt as if he was in the middle of a lesson, but thankfully Unger did not wait for an answer.

“In such times when the Church of Pope Sylvester searches for new saints, saints who can rise to the challenges with which the modern world faces them, we, in Gniezno, have the remains of a saint who gave his life for his faith, just as was done in the old days. We have a treasure!” Unger exclaimed, and Bolesław finally understood.

“How long will the canonization take?” he asked soberly.

“A martyr is canonized on the day of his death.” Unger smiled. “Though we will, of course, send a delegation to Rome. I expect Emperor Otto will be supportive, since after all he was the one who sent Adalbert on his mission.”

“No, Bishop,” Bolesław announced firmly. “From now on this is not the emperor’s mission, but mine. Otto sent him to the Veleti and we’ve all agreed that was unwise because of the war. I sent him to the Prussians, where he became God’s martyr.”

“I admire your wisdom, my lord.” Unger bowed his head. “Your mission. What would you say to finding a middle ground? We could say it’s a joint mission? Yours and the emperor’s? That would help to spread Adalbert’s cult.”

“Yes, all right. But only because you have just taught us that vanity is a sin.”

“By sharing fame with the emperor, you’re giving evidence of . . .”

“Pity?”

“No.”

“Caution?” the duke corrected himself.

“Prudence, my lord,” Unger concluded.


Click below to pre-order your copy of The Last Crown, coming September 6th, 2022!

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Aggie Blum Thompson’s Killer 90s Playlist!

All the Dirty SecretsAggie Blum Thompson’s All the Dirty Secrets is a thrilling tale that asks how far you would go to protect your status and your family…and if some secrets should ever be revealed. And what better way to fully immerse yourself in a gripping book like this one than to have a killer playlist that accompanies it? Read below to see Aggie’s incredible list of 90s bops that’ll have you vibing out, reminiscing about your own teenage angst, and feeling all sorts of nostalgic!

 

 


By Aggie Blum Thompson:

Some decades are more difficult to define than others. You say 1920s, I say roaring. When we think of the 40s, Rosie the riveter and Victory Gardens come to mind. But the 90s? What is unifying about a decade that started with the fall of the Berlin Wall and ended with the overhyped Y2K threat that the entire world was about to implode?

Writing the chapters of All the Dirty Secrets that took place in 1994 thrust me back in time to the last decade that gave us TV shows that were cultural touchpoints – Friends, Seinfeld, The X-Files. To a time when Cable TV news erupted on the scene, crawling its way through our national consciousness with nonstop coverage of events like O.J. Simpson’s white Bronco ride and subsequent trial, of Monica Lewinsky’s blue dress and its implications, of shootouts between the feds and far-right groups at Ruby Ridge and Waco.

The nineties gave us both blockbusters that spawned industries – like Titanic and Jurassic Park — and films showcasing Gen X sarcasm – think Slacker and Clerks. The internet was a just a wee baby and was dominated by AOL. In a world before streaming, Apple Music, or Spotify, a file-sharing giant called Napster allowed strangers to exchange, illegally, songs for free. But my favorite part of writing these chapters was researching the music that rocked the decade. Here is a completely incomplete list of the soundtrack of the 90s.

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  1. Freedom 90! by George Michael (1990). Released as the first single from his second solo album, Listen Without Prejudice Vol. 1, Michael sang, “There’s something deep inside of me/There’s someone else I’ve got to be,” ushering in an era of songs that celebrated the LGBTQ community. The 80s were a tough time to be publicly gay, but the 90s saw several commercial artists openly embrace their queer identity — like k.d. lang with her hit Constant Craving, Melissa Etheridge and Come to My Window, and RuPaul’s Supermodel (You Better Work).
  2. Alive by Pearl Jam (1991). The neon colors and big hair of the 80s collapsed at the turn of the decade under the weight of a terrible economy and a war in the Middle East. All of a sudden, grunge emerged from the shadows of the alternative rock scene, as hits like Soundgarden’s Black Hole Sun, Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit, and Man In The Box by Alice in Chains exploded onto the charts. Everyone started wearing flannel, baby doll dresses, and doc martens, and packed the theaters to watch Singles and Reality Bites.
  3. Finally by CeCe Peniston (1991). House and club music may have been around since club DJs began spinning records at a tempo of 120 beats per minute, but they didn’t take America by storm until the early 90s thanks to a series of breakout hits featuring Black female voices — such as Robin S. (Show Me Love) and Martha Wash (Everybody, Everybody) – who often appeared on hits uncredited.
  4. The Rain King by Counting Crows (1993). This buoyant, jangly rock song was a single on the band’s debut album, showcasing their poetic lyrics, singable choruses, and desire to carry the torch of classic rock artists like Van Morrison, Bob Dylan, and Bruce Springsteen into the 90s. The Counting Crows helped us move past grunge into an era of hits the whole family could sing along to in the car, like I Only Wanna Be with You by Hootie and the Blowfish, Run Around by Blues Traveler, and Jealousy by the Gin Blossoms.
  5. Cornflake Girl by Tori Amos (1994). Her brilliant album Under the Pink is an example of the virtuoso women artists who appeared on the music scene in the nineties, often defying categorization – not quite pop or rock, R&B or country. Songs like Sarah McLachlan’s “Possesion,” Erykah Badu’s “On & On,” and Liz Phair’s “Never Said.” For several summers, the performers who gathered at Lilith Fair consisted solely of female solo artists and female-led bands. In its initial three years, Lilith Fair raised over $10 million for charity.
  6. Mo Money Mo Problems by Notorious B.I.G. feat. Mase & Puff Daddy (1997). Rap arrived big-time in the 90s, breaking off into diverse subgenres that dominated the charts with hits like Snoop Dog’s Gin and Juice, Lauryn Hill’s Doo Wop (That Thing), and Eminem’s My Name Is. Mo Money Mo Problems, an infectious danceable mega-hit that sampled Diana Ross’s joyful I’m Coming Out, showcased Biggie Smalls bragging about his fame and success. Sadly, he did not live to reap the rewards of this huge hit as he was murdered a few months before it was released.
  7. I Want it That Way by the Backstreet Boys (1999). Boy bands had been around a while – the 80s had Menudo, New Edition and New Kids on the Block — but the concept really blew up in the 90s. Suddenly, everywhere you turned were attractive but anodyne young men in coordinated outfits who wanted to sing and dance their way into your heart with hits like I Do by 98 Degrees, I Want You Back by ‘NSYNC, and Motown Philly by Boys II Men.
  8. Don’t Look Back in Anger by Oasis (1996). Not all the boy bands were happy and knew how to dance. Some were deeply angry and really wanted you to know. They whined. They growled. They yelled. They would have flipped their lids if you called them boy bands. But some of them — like Bush (Glycerine), Offspring (Self Esteem), and Live (Lightning Strikes) — made pretty good music.
  9. You’re Still the One by Shania Twain (1998). This gorgeous love song crossed over from country and became a huge mainstream hit, aided by a sexy video featuring the Canadian singer. Suddenly, country was cool and showing up on the pop charts with songs like How Do I Live by LeAnn Rimes, This Kiss by Faith Hill, and Amazed by Lonestar.
  10. Mambo No. Five by Lou Bega (1999). Who? you ask. Of course you can’t remember the artist, but there’s no way you don’t remember this earworm. It joins those one-hit wonders of the nineties like Macarena, Barbie Girl, Baby Got Back, and I’m Too Sexy that you hate-love but can’t stop singing along to. In fact, I bet you’re humming one right now. If not, let me help . . . a little bit of Monica in my life, a little bit of Erica by my side . . .

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Excerpt Reveal: Bark to the Future by Spencer Quinn

Bark to the FutureSpencer Quinn’s Bark to the Future continues the adventurous New York Times and USA Today bestselling series that Stephen King calls “without a doubt the most original mystery series currently available.”

When Chet the dog, “the most lovable narrator in all of crime fiction” (Boston Globe), and his human partner, PI Bernie Little, are approached by a down-and-out older man with a cardboard sign at an exit ramp, Bernie is shocked to discover the man is a former teammate from his high school baseball team. Chet and Bernie take Rocket out for a good meal, and later, Bernie investigates Rocket’s past, trying to figure out what exactly went wrong.

Then, Rocket goes suspiciously missing. With his former teammate likely in danger, Bernie goes back to his old high school for answers, where much that he remembers turns out not to be true—and there are powerful and dangerous people not happy with the questions Bernie is asking.

Bernie soon learns that he misunderstood much about his high school years – and now, Chet and Bernie are plunged into a dangerous case where the past isn’t dead and the future could be fatal.

Bark to the Future will be available on August 9th, 2022. Please enjoy the following excerpt!


CHAPTER ONE

“Let’s see what this baby can do,” Bernie said.

And there you have it. Bernie’s brilliance, lighting up the whole oil-stained yard at Nixon’s Championship Autobody. Let’s see what this baby can do. Can you imagine anyone else saying that? I sure can’t. I wouldn’t even try, and who knows Bernie better than me? Sometimes humans talk to themselves, as you may or may not know. Humans have a lot going on in their heads. Too much? I couldn’t tell you. But I wouldn’t trade places. Let’s leave it at that. The point is that when they’re talking to themselves they’re trying to dig down through all the too-muchness and get to what’s at the bottom, digging, as it happens, being one of my very best things. Maybe we’ll get to that later. For now, the takeaway is that Bernie talks to himself in front of me. So I know what’s at the bottom of Bernie, way down deep, case closed. Closing cases is what we do, by the way, me and Bernie. We’re partners in the Little Detective Agency—Little on account of that’s Bernie’s last name. Call me Chet, pure and simple. Our cases usually get closed by me grabbing the perp by the pant leg. Although there were no perps around right now and we weren’t even working a case, my teeth got a funny feeling.

Nixon Panero, owner of the shop and our good buddy, patted the hood of our new Porsche. We’ve had others—maybe more than I can count, since things get iffy when I try to go past two—but never one this old. Could I even remember them all? Perhaps not, although I have a very clear picture of the last one in my mind, upside down and soaring through snowy treetops, the windows all blasted out and me and Bernie also in midair, although slightly closer to the ground. I’d miss that Porsche—especially the martini glass decals on the fenders—but this one, with an interesting black and white pattern, as though a normal PD squad car was rippling its muscles, if that makes any sense, looked none too shabby. In fact, and in a strange dreamlike way, a thing of beauty. And to top it off, my seat—the shotgun seat, goes without mentioning—couldn’t have been more comfortable, the leather soft and firm at the same time, and possibly quite tasty. A no-no, and I forgot that whole idea at once.

“One last thing,” Nixon said.

Bernie, hands on the wheel, ready to go, glanced up at him.

“All parts guaranteed original and authentic,” Nixon said. “Excepting certain aspects of the engine.”

“No problem,” Bernie said. “You’re the expert.”

“Thanks, Bernie. But what I’m saying is in horsepower terms authentic might be stretching it the teensiest bit. So my advice would be to take it on the easy side at first.”

“Sure thing,” Bernie said, sliding his foot over to the gas pedal.

“On account of what we’ve got here,” Nixon began, “is kind of a—”

Beast? Was that what Nixon said? I couldn’t be sure, because at that moment Bernie’s foot—he was wearing flip flops, one new-looking, the other old and worn—touched the pedal, just the lightest touch to my way of thinking, but enough to get our new engine excited in no uncertain terms. It roared a tremendous roar and this new dreamlike ride of ours shot out of Nixon’s yard and into the street. I felt like my head was getting left behind, meaning that shooting out doesn’t really do the job here. Was it possible we were actually off the ground? I believed we were.

“Woo eee!” Bernie cried as he brought us safely down, all tires on the pavement. “Woo eee, baby!”

As for me, I got my head and body properly organized, sat up straight and howled at the moon, although it was daytime and cloudy to boot. We had a beast on our side. No one could touch us now, although the truth was no one ever had before. I felt tip-top, or even better.

“My god,” said Bernie, as we came off a two-laner that had taken us deep into the desert and far from the Valley, where we live, and merged onto a freeway, the tops of the downtown towers visible in the distance, their lower parts lost in the brassy haze. “Can you believe what just happened?” We slowed down to what seemed like nothing, although we were zooming past everyone else. Bernie patted the dash and glanced my way. “Rough beast, big guy, its hour come round at last.” That one zipped right by me, but Bernie laughed so it must have been funny. “Did we hit one forty? Next time I’ll snap a picture of the speedometer. You’ll have to take the wheel.”

No problem. That had actually happened once, if very briefly, down Mexico way, where Bernie and I had had to leave a nice little cantina in somewhat of a hurry, following a misunderstanding between Bernie, a very friendly lady, and a late-arriving gentleman who turned out to be her husband and also the head of the local cartel. Bottom line: Bernie could count on me.

Not long after that we were winding slowly down the ramp at the Rio Vista Bridge, close to home. There’s always a backup on the ramp, and at the bottom a few leathery skinned men holding paper cups or sometimes cardboard signs are waiting. Today there was only one, a real skinny barefoot guy, wearing frayed cargo shorts and nothing else, his shoulders the boniest I’d ever seen. He was mostly bald, but had a ponytail happening at the back, a gray ponytail with yellow-stained ends, the same yellow you see on the fingertips of smokers. Also—and maybe the first thing I noticed—a small but jagged scar across the bridge of his nose. A cigarette was hanging from the side of his mouth but its tiny fire had gone out. Traffic came to a stop when we were right beside him. He looked down at us, his eyes watery blue. I was pretty sure I hadn’t seen him before, and certain I’d never smelled him. My nose is never wrong on things like that. In this case it wasn’t even a close call. Had I ever picked up a human scent so . . . how would you put it? Complex? Rich? Over the top? You pick. As for me, I was starting to like this dude a lot. Meanwhile Bernie dug out a few bills from the cup holder and handed them over.

Except not quite. Yes, Bernie held out the money, but the dude made no move to grab it. Instead he shook his head and said, “Can’t take your money, Bernie.”

“Excuse me?” Bernie said.

The dude took the cigarette out of his mouth, plucked a little twist of something from between two chipped and yellowed teeth, and said it again.

Bernie gave him a close look. “Do I know you?” he said.

“Guess not,” said the dude. He glanced down at the money, still in Bernie’s outstretched hand, and his lips curled in a sort of sneer, like that money was way beneath him. “But I’ll take a light,” he said.

Bernie stuck the money back in the cup holder, fumbled around inside, found a book of matches and held them out. The guy took the matches, broke one off, but he couldn’t get it lit, his hands suddenly very shaky. In front us traffic started moving. From behind came honking, not easy on my ears. Bernie pulled off the ramp, getting us mostly onto the narrow dirt strip next to the bridge supports. He opened the door, put one foot on the ground and looked back at me.

“Better stay, Chet.”

Too late. Meanwhile the traffic from behind was on the move, perhaps still slightly blocked by us, but hardly at all. A truck driver leaned out of his window, an unpleasant expression on his face. He opened his mouth to say something, saw me, and changed his mind.

“Here,” said Bernie, holding out his hand.

“Here what?” said the dude.

“The matches.”

The dude handed over the matches. Bernie lit one, cupped the flame. The dude leaned in, got his cigarette going. For a moment, his face—so weathered, wrinkled, with little blotches here and there—was almost touching Bernie’s hand, so perfect. The dude straightened, took a deep drag, let it out slow, smoke streaming from his nostrils.

“Waiting for me to say thanks?” said the dude.

“No,” said Bernie.

“Then get back in your super duper car.” He glanced over at me, turned away, then gave me another look. “The both of you.”

“In a hurry to get rid of us?” Bernie said.

The dude was silent for what seemed like a long time. Then came a bit of a surprise. He smiled. Not a big smile, and lots of teeth were missing and the tip of his tongue was yellow-brown, but he no longer looked quite so messed up.

“You haven’t changed,” he said. “Always those goddamn questions.”

“For example?”

The dude thought for a moment or two. Then he stiffened and shouted at Bernie, a shout with a sort of whispery, ragged edge, so not particularly loud, but real angry. “You makin’ fun of me, Bernie? That’s another question you just asked. Think I’m nothin’ but . . . but . . .” Whatever it was, he couldn’t come up with it.

“Sorry,” Bernie said, “I didn’t—”

The dude’s eyes narrowed down to two watery slits. “You was always an asshole but not mean. What the hell happened?”

“Look,” Bernie said, “I—”

“Aw, the hell with it,” the dude said, his anger vanishing all at once. He waved his hand—fingers bent, nails thick and yellow—in a throwaway gesture. “You stood up for me. I don’t forget things like that. Well, I do. I forget . . . you name it.” He laughed a croaky laugh that got croakier until he finally spat out a brownish gob. It landed at the base of one of the bridge supports. I moved in that direction. At the same time, the dude took a very deep drag, blew out a thick smoke ball, peered through it at Bernie, then wagged his finger. “But I sure as shit remember that time with Raker.”

“Coach Raker?” Bernie said.

“Who the hell else are we jawin’ about?” said the dude. “He was gonna bench me for showin’ up late to the game against Central Tech and you said hey coach bench me I forgot to pick him up on the way to school. Which wasn’t even true. No way you don’t remember that. You were on the mound and don’t deny it. Two outs, bottom of the ninth, bases loaded, up one zip, and some dude hits a scorcher in the gap and who runs it down?” The dude tapped his skinny chest. “Game over. Took us to the state, uh, whatever it is.”

Bernie has wonderful eyebrows, with a language all their own. Now they were saying a whole bunch, but amazement was a big part of it.

“Championship,” he said softly.

“Yeah, state championship, what I said,” said the dude. “Next year you guys won it but I was . . . was . . . like movin’ on.”

“Rocket?” Bernie said. “Rocket Saluka?”

The dude—Rocket Saluka, if I was following things right—nodded a slow, serious kind of nod, and stood very straight before us, there in the bridge shadows, his shoulders back, his scrawny bare chest rising and falling. He and Bernie had played on the same team? Had I gotten that right? Baseball, for sure, bottom of the ninth and bases loaded being baseball lingo, but how was it possible? Rocket was an old man.

Traffic on the ramp was now mostly stop and not much go, meaning folks had plenty of time to check us out. Rocket didn’t seem to notice them, and neither did Bernie. He and Rocket were just standing there, Rocket smoking his cigarette, Bernie watching him. At last Bernie said, “I could use a burger.”

Rocket nodded another slow, serious nod.

“How about you?” Bernie said.

Rocket took one last drag and tossed the butt away. Bernie ground it under his heel. I took a good close-range sniff of Rocket’s brownish gob, lying in the dirt. Was actual tasting necessary? I was leaning in that direction when Bernie made the little chkk-chkk sound that meant we were out of there. Burgers or brownish gobs? Burgers! Burgers for sure! But that was Bernie, always the smartest human in the room. Just follow him—especially from in front, like I do—and you can’t go wrong.

There are many Burger Heavens in the Valley—just one of the reasons it’s the best place on earth—but our favorite is the one between Mama’s Bowlerama and Mama’s Kitchen, Bath and Fine Art, mostly because Mama owns it, too, and Bernie’s a big fan of Mama, has told me more than once that she’s what puts America over the top. Perhaps a bit confusing—I had a notion that Bernie and I were Americans and that was pretty much it—but it didn’t matter. Mama’s burgers were the best I’d ever tasted. I was enjoying one now just the way I liked it at a picnic table on one side of the Burger Heaven parking lot, on a paper plate, no bun, no nothing, and over in a jiff. Bernie sat on one side of the table, dipping fries into a ketchup cup. Rocket sat on the other side. He’d polished off his first burger real fast, taken a little more time with the second, and was now working his way through the next one, the number for what comes after two escaping me at the moment. Except for ordering, no one had said a thing. Now and then, Mama glanced our way from the kitchen window of the hut, her huge gold hoop earrings the brightest sight in view.

Rocket burped, sat back, searched the pockets of his cargo shorts, pulled out a switchblade knife, not an uncommon sight in my line of work, but it seemed to surprise him. He shoved the knife back in his pocket. The top of the handle, rounded off with a green-eyed human skull decoration, peeped out from inside his pocket.

“What you got there?” Bernie said.

“MVP,” said Rocket.

“Most valuable player?”

“Close, real close,” Rocket said. “Most valuable possession.”

“What makes it valuable?” Bernie said.

Rocket shoved the knife deeper in his pocket, the green-eyed skull now disappearing from view. “Let’s keep that between the two of us, me and me,” he said. “Keep on keepin’ it thataway.” His hand was still in his pocket, rummaging around. It emerged with a bent cigarette. “Smoke?”

“Sure,” said Bernie, meaning he was about to take one of those breaks from giving up smoking.

Now would be when most folks would be expecting Rocket to produce another cigarette, but that didn’t happen. Instead he broke the bent one in two and handed half to Bernie.

“Thanks,” said Bernie, striking a match.

They smoked in silence for a while, Rocket taking quick glances at Bernie, Bernie looking nowhere special. I got the feeling something might be going on in Bernie’s mind, but whatever it was he was in no hurry. I was about to settle down under the table for a little shut-eye when the Burger Heaven back door opened and Mama stepped out with a package in her hand. She came over to the table. Rocket didn’t seem to notice her until she was right there. Then he looked startled.

“What the hell?” he said. Rocket’s hand went right to his cargo shorts pocket, the one with the flip knife inside.


Click below to pre-order your copy of Bark to the Future, coming August 9th, 2022!

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Forge’s Favorite Southern Summer Reads

Carolina Moonsets

Matt Goldman’s recent thriller Carolina Moonset takes place in South Carolina and the humid, southern atmosphere is so pervasive throughout the novel that it is almost a character in and of itself. We’ve put together a list of our favorite books featuring those hot, southern vibes so whether you’re in the mood for a cozy, family drama or a gothic true crime read, we’ve got you covered with a book list to last you all summer long!

 


For a cozy read…

Midnight at the Blackbird Cafe by Heather Webber

Midnight at the Blackbird Cafe-1

When Anna Kate returns to her hometown in Alabama to bury her grandmother, she hopes to make it a short trip. However, she soon finds herself drawn to the Blackbird Cafe and the inhabitants of the town and begins wondering if she really wants to leave after all. This charming romance from bestselling author Heather Webber will have you craving a slice of small-town life.

For a scary read…

The Elementals by Michael McDowell

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Michael McDowell is well known for penning the screenplays for cult classic films Beetlejuice and The Nightmare Before Christmas but many don’t know that he also wrote some truly spine-chilling horror novels. The Elementals is one of his best and tells the story of an Alabama family that gets more than they bargained for on their summer vacation. Featuring a trio of crumbling Victorian houses on a secluded beach, The Elementals serves up its chills in broad daylight.

For a thrilling read…

Carolina Moonset by Matt Goldman

Carolina MoonsetJoey Greene moves back to his childhood home in Beaufort, South Carolina to care for his father who suffers from dementia. As his father’s short-term memory fades, memories of his past grow stronger and he soon begins revealing terrible secrets about his life. When a horrible murder shakes the town to its core, Joey fears that his father’s resurfacing memories are somehow connected.

For a historical read…

The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett

image alt/></p><p><em>The Vanishing Half </em>is the poignant story of a pair of identical twin sisters who run away from home in the 1950s. Though similar in looks, they make very different choices. While one eventually moves back to the primarily black community they ran away from, the other builds a new life for herself passing as a white woman. When their daughters connect many years later, it changes all their lives forever.</p><h2><em>For a non-fiction read…</em></h2><h3><em>Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil</em> by John Berendt</h3><p><img loading=

This fascinating look at the inhabitants of Savannah, Georgia during a murder trial in the 1980s is one of the most riveting pieces of non-fiction you’ll ever read. With unforgettable characters, a thrilling true crime mystery, and the lush atmosphere of Savannah with its moss-hung trees and haunted mansions, you’re in for a wild ride!

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