Strange lights fill the skies. So too does the beating of giant wings.
Shadows of an ominous future meet legends of a mythic past, and do battle. We do not come in peace, for here be dragons.
We’ve assembled a panel of experts to weigh in on the potential victors of each fight.
Check it.
The Xenomorph Vs. Toothless
Proposed Victor: Toothless
Expert: Tessa Villanueva, Editorial Assistant
“What chance does anything even have against the Alpha of All Dragons? The unholy offspring of lightning and death itself? Yes, Toothless may look cute and adorable, but his intelligence is unparalleled–he’s been known to show smart and strategic thinking. He can fly over 100 mph and is agile and strong enough to dive-bomb giant dragons and knock them to the ground. He also has plasma blasts, unerring accuracy, and an indomitable fighting spirit that won’t quit–and he fights for his friends? Does the Xenomorph have friends? (Yes, she has a hive, but are they really friends?)”
Proposed Victor: The Xenomorph
Expert: a cat, Assistant Marketing Manager
“The Xenomorph is an acid-blooded, highly adaptive social hunter who has proven time and time again that in space we can hear you scream when it bursts out your chest. She’s a star terror of cinema and has torn through the armor of the Predator, and she frequently carries me to victory royales in Fortnite. Fans of Alien (1979), Aliens (1986), Alien 3 (1992), Alien: Resurrection (1997), Prometheus (2012), and Alien: Covenant (2017) understand that Toothless, who is domesticated and trained, will be ruined, ribboned, and folded into a scary xeno-cocoon.”
Stitch Vs. Melanchthon
Proposed Victor: Melancthon
Expert: Mal Frazier, Editorial Assistant
“So, you might think Stitch is going to win. Sure, there’s no way that the cutest character could ever defeat the scariest character, but we’ll give him a fair crack. Dragon #7332 (no, not your buddy’s discord username) from The Iron Dragon’s Daughter by Michael Swanwick is rusting in a heap in the disgusting child labor factory for years when he finally finds an appropriately malleable pilot and steals Jane. He’s a giant metal dragon war machine built by fairies who eat death magic and [spoilers for a book older than me] kills the entire world. Yes, the whole thing. I think he’s neat. Also he’s named after a dead philosopher which has to give you a stats boost if some kind.”
Proposed Victor: Stitch
Expert: Lizzy Hosty, Publishing Strategy Assistant
“Experiment 626 was created to cause chaos across an entire galaxy. According to the mad scientist who created Stitch, he’s bulletproof, fireproof, can think faster than a computer, can see in the dark, and move objects 3,000 times his size. His first instinct is literally destruction. It’s like he was created to not only survive a fight against a dragon, but absolutely destroy them; change my mind.”
Zanj Vs. Tairn
Proposed Victor: Zanj
Expert: a cat, Assistant Marketing Manager
“Okay before anything else, if space-pirate-werewolf-queen Zanj asked me to join her in (un)holy matrimony, I would ascend to her side instantly, madly, and without hesitation. By that metric at least she’s the most powerful combatant of this whole bracket, and I think we should take that into account. Max Gladstone’s phenomenal opens in a new windowEmpress of Forever chronicles the second conflict between Zanj and her allies against the omnipotent Jade Empress, who can destroy planets with her thoughts. Yeah. Zanj is back for round two. But Tairn won’t be.”
Proposed Victor: Tairn
Expert: Lizzy Hosty, Publishing Strategy Assistant
“I just read Fourth Wing (I’m late to the party, I know), and when I tell you Tairn could literally destroy a whole fleet, I’m so serious. This dragon took on multiple [redacted] and didn’t even flinch. His only weakness would be keeping his rider alive, but for the purposes of this, Tairn has claimed no rider, so he’s practically invincible and nothing could change my mind. He can shoot fire, his teeth are as big as humans, his wing span could crush dozens just accidentally. Need I say more.”
Deoxys Vs. Chronormu
Proposed Victor: Chronormu
Expert: a cat, Assistant Marketing Manager
“Look Deoxys might come from space, but Chronormu helped stave off the invasion of the Burning Legion. Twice. She isn’t afraid. She’s cute, she’s trans, she’s a guardian of the timeways, and when she glances at this silly triangle-island (remember that puzzle? It was awful) and chooses FIGHT, it’ll be a OHKO. Plus Deoxys has base 50 HP, no matter what form it’s in. Flop.”
Proposed Victor: Deoxys
Expert: Tessa Villanueva, Editorial Assistant
“First of all, Deoxys came from outer space from INSIDE A METEOR. You cannot get more metal than that. It was on its way to destroy the world, but it stopped just to have this little battle. It’s capable of using any of its Formes to gain an advantage in battle, whether it’s Normal, Attack, Defense, or Speed. It’s also able to regenerate any part of its body! Not to mention its ultimate signature attack, Psycho Boost–sure, the recoil will lower its special attack, but no one’s going to survive that…”
So who wins this intergalactic, inter-mythic showdown? Take to the comments and let us know!